Random Thoughts

Sitting at my table on my new laptop. It’s a Macbook. I choose to refer to it as my new laptop because I’m annoying that way and I refuse to buy into the conspiracy that Apple care about me any more than how much money they can get from my wallet

I don’t want to go to bed.

Life has an odd way of being annoying

Do you like the new profile pic?

Not sure about work. The longest I’ve ever consecutively worked in one job has been seven months. I like my current one I think. Lot of challenges and stuff but it’s good.

Relationship with God goes well. Having someone to hold you accountable makes the difference. It’s not a major thing in and of itself. Just knowing the person’s there.

Soccer is something I’m not sure about. I had the worst training session of my life on Thursday. I’ve been praying about being a godly example. It really matters to me that on some level I can break into a team and just get playing games regularly. But rather than praying that I decided to pray that I would be an example even if I don’t get to play another minute all season. I wonder about where our mission field is and what we do. I wonder if I was the best player in the club would I be more of an example.

I’ve realised that I don’t have much of anything thought out with regard to how I should feel about a girl in a romantic relationship. This is proving an issue as I should have something thought about how I should feel. I over think things a lot. Be happy. It’s why I blog.

On one level I’m incredibly, incredibly discouraged. Incredibly confused. Incredibly hurt.

God is good. God is enough.

I’m setting myself up for a lot of heartache in my life. Seems to be a family tradition :-)

People say things they don’t mean to placate you even when you’ve asked them not to :-)

Life has an odd way of being strange

I want to fast forward three months.

I should have just put the money into getting my old car fixed. I’d have been happier.

Cutting the old blog was a necessary, regrettable step. The Law of Unintended Consequences has really come home to roost. I feel I should apologise to those of you who are reading the writings of this guy in their second, third or fourth incarnation. Thanks for sticking with me and please continue to comment :-)

The lyrics from the song embedded below sort of sum up 2009 so far. If you like it check out the artist’s site and buy some stuff.

There will be days you feel like flying
There will be days you feel like crying
Never give up, never stop trying
Never believe my love is dying

Tonight was the first time I cried in years

I’ve no problem with shedding tears. What makes a man weak is an inability to rise above a situation; to stand tall and be counted; to act when there is a need. Anger prevents that as does sorrow as does joy as does a whole range of other emotions. Sort of like be angry but do not sin. When you’re not in control of your emotions that’s when you’ve lost. I’ve never, ever seen my Dad properly angry. I can’t even remember the last time I was properly angry. Not sure if teenage tantrums count.

Anyway, tonight was a night full of hurt and pain for me as well as the other members of my small community of believers. A family who have over 29 years of relationship with my fellowship, and with me, talked about why they were leaving. There was a lot of hurt and emotion and a lot of tears. We love them. They love us. We don’t really agree with their decision. Most feel they’re making a mistake. I’m not sure. I generally don’t go for the whole predicting the future thing. I just pray and hope that they are blessed.

The father of that family lived in a basement fed on bread and water for three weeks because he refused to recant his faith. This was his own family doing this to him. This is a man with a heart for the lost. And a heart for the elderly and a heart for so many people. We all have flaws and he would be the first to admit that. When I was a teenager he committed to praying for me on a regular basis. I know that 99 days out of every 100 he’s prayed for me. And I know he will continue to do so. And I know that not seeing him at our meetings isn’t going to sit well with me. Living in community and living with human beings in general can really cause you to run the full gamut of emotions.

Sometimes loving someone hurts. A lot.